Talk:Ajani
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This page migrated from Wikicities (now Wikia) in July, 2005. The following contributors agreed to relicense their material here:
- Ajani
cleanup
Portions of the article need to be rewritten in the past tense. --Barrister 16:52, 31 March 2006 (PST)
- I did some work, but I don't think it's enough to remove the cleanup tag. --AtteSmythe 11:43, 5 May 2006 (PDT)
- It might be my understanding of english thats tricking me, but I couldn't find any parts that needed to be cleanuped. I say remove the tag --Kinocha 16:07, 4 June 2006 (PDT)
- It's a bit rambling. Also, there are some definitely bad sentences. For example, "They were pushed against by many of the captains in the flag, including high ranking officials in the flag council." "Pushed against" doesn't make much sense. Mostly though, it's just overly verbose. For example, the passage, "On July 25th, 2004, Ajani weded his first mate, Yuna. The ceremony was performed by their friend, Squid." Beyond "wedded" being misspelled, a better word would be "married". And the detail about Squid could be folded into the first sentence instead of being a separate sentence. So, the new one would be something like, "On July 25th, 2004, Ajani married Yuna, his first mate, in a ceremony performed by their friend Squid." I know it sounds like I'm being picky, but this kind of problem is present throughout the entire article. --Barrister 17:26, 4 June 2006 (PDT)
- Har har, ye bunch of nit pickers. Actually, a few of the sentences were changed around in the cleanup I believe. I would never have used the word "Wedded". I believe I actually did use the word "Wed". I'll get around to cleaning this up eventually, with alot of free time. --Dementia 23:07, 12 June 2006 (PDT)
- It's a bit rambling. Also, there are some definitely bad sentences. For example, "They were pushed against by many of the captains in the flag, including high ranking officials in the flag council." "Pushed against" doesn't make much sense. Mostly though, it's just overly verbose. For example, the passage, "On July 25th, 2004, Ajani weded his first mate, Yuna. The ceremony was performed by their friend, Squid." Beyond "wedded" being misspelled, a better word would be "married". And the detail about Squid could be folded into the first sentence instead of being a separate sentence. So, the new one would be something like, "On July 25th, 2004, Ajani married Yuna, his first mate, in a ceremony performed by their friend Squid." I know it sounds like I'm being picky, but this kind of problem is present throughout the entire article. --Barrister 17:26, 4 June 2006 (PDT)
- It might be my understanding of english thats tricking me, but I couldn't find any parts that needed to be cleanuped. I say remove the tag --Kinocha 16:07, 4 June 2006 (PDT)
