Pirates Gone Wild (Midnight)
| Pirates Gone Wild at a Glance | |
|---|---|
| Midnight Ocean | |
| Last Captain | Spazoid |
| Senior Officer(s) | None |
| Politics | Autocratic |
| Shares | Even |
| Flag Affiliation | Lunar Bin |
| Founded | 17 September, 2005 |
| Dormant as of 31 January, 2012 | |
 Crew Info
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Pirates Gone Wild is in its second existence and was founded on September 17, 2005. Due to internal issues, the first crew was disbanded but reformed soon after with many of the original mates. It then rejoined its original home in the Lunar Bin. It was originally led by Powerflea, who due to personal issues decided to step down and leave the crew in the hands of Slamshutt.
Public Statement
Welcome to Pirates Gone Wild version 2.0!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! We're badder, meaner and faster than the original and come with TWICE the free toaster give aways!!!! And you can TRUST me when I say that no one here is right in the head!!! Because of this, we now have complete full coverage warranty garanteed for the life your pirate to help maintain all piratey mental health needs!! (Warranty information printed on back of the articles). So if you STILL like hot pirate pillages with some stone cold booty, THIS is the place for you!! No worries, mates!!! The 2.0 version comes with more stupid nonesense, more firing people out of cannons, and even MORE pointless standing about in our attempts to accomplish absolutly nothing at all!!!
*Credit cards still not accepted!!!
**Free toaster give away for all active membership when the crew has finished growing.
***Bread still not included with toaster.
These are the new and IMPROVED articles of Pirates Gone Wild. Pay attention to anything involving conduct, promotion, and how incredibly cool the Captain is.
Article 1. Before boarding a ship, all pirates and officers alike should ask permission to board her. This has been set in place for two reasons. First, it is considered polite and proper conduct. Second, in the event that someone is on board in a rather compromising situation, it gives them the opertunity to put away the whips, chains, flogs and other such play things to avoid a potentially embarassing situation. Failure to do so wil result in being planked. The Captain has nothing against planking, beating, subjecting to Chinese water torture, or distributing the dread atomic wedgie to members of his own crew. So please, ask permission before boarding, crew mates.
Article 2. Your crew and flag news is there for more than just a place for your Captain,SOs, FOs and Officers to make wise-arse remarks and bitch about seemingly moronic things. It is not being denied that this happens from time to time... However, there is actually some important information there that shows up every now and then in and amongst the insane ramblings about "PGW RAAAAWWWKKKSS!!!" and other such idoitic things that Captain posts because his brain is going soft. So please read the crew and flag news daily when you log on.
Article 3. Mullet hair cuts are strictly forbidden on all Pirates Gone Wild vessels. If you be one of those sporting this particular hair cut, please feel free to return to 1985 in your "Back to the Future" style DeLorean time machine and join your outdated brethren.
Article 4. Conduct on board all Pirates Gone Wild vessels will be strictly and energetically ignored in most cases. However, if there are open stations and you make the personal life choice not to get to one, or decided to start challenging sword fights, play drinking games or anything along those lines, the Pillage Leader serving as the Captain of the vessel can also make the personal life choice to plank your sorry arse. However, choosing to strip down naked, paint your skin green, cover yourself in plastic wrap and try to convince people you are a talking salad, while very strange, is perfectly acceptable. But, if you are one that chooses to do this, please see the crew HMO plan on the back of the articles to assertain the level of psychological care your crew insurance will cover.
Article 5. All disputes between two pirates on board Pirates Gone Wild vessels will be resolved in the time honored tradition of Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome rules. The rules are simple. Two pirates enter, one pirate leaves...
Article 6. The Captain reserves the right to at any time he chooses, to lounge around the deck and accomplish absolutly nothing. He's good at that.
Article 7. In the event of a ship being sank, the Captain will find the nearest crew mate and use them as a floatation device. Everyone else can fend for themselves. Screw that whole "Captain goes down with the ship" thing...
Artilcle 8. All Pirates Gone Wild vessels will be equiped with the Plankmaster 3000 model XP autoplank system. It planks further, faster and harder than the old "model B" version, so be forwarned.
Article 9. Disputes between Senior Officers will be settle through the ancient and venerable contest of Roshambo.
- Sub-article 9.a: Rules to Roshambo.
- 1. Two disputing parties face each other in the traditional Sumo Wrestler style and position. Wearing of the accompanying Sumo diaper will be left at the discretion of the two parties involved.
- 2. Order of the players turns will be decided by who can guess the color of the Captain's breakfast BEFORE he ate it. Not after he ate. That's just gross.
- 3. First pirate stands off and kicks the second pirate in their "pirate jewels." Second pirate is racked with pain.
- 4. Second pirate returns the first pirate's kick in kind. First pirate is racked with pain.
- 5. The first of the two combatants to fall to the ground loses. The winner is the one left standing, and thus, also is declared to be "right in the dispute."
- 6. In event if a tie, no one wins. Go see a doctor in accordance with the crew HMO plan.
Article 10. Advancement and training are important in Pirates Gone Wild. Be patient until we get more people available to train Pirates into Officers and Officers into Fleet Officers and Fleet Officers into Senior Officers. Those who are not patient, will be flogged and promptly beaten. Those that are patient will beaten anyway, simply as a matter of principle. Advancement is as follows:
- Cabin Person- Join the crew. The Cabin Person should be granted all due patience and aid. These are the newest of our players who have yet to subscribe. In the cosmic perspective of things, Cabin Persons are little more than the gelatinous ooze, from which more complex beings are formed. If they had an arse, which they do not since they are just ooze, their heads would be completely up it at this point. It is the job of Pirates and above to help these beings in their quest to become something more than a being that is little more than "dirty jello."
- Pirate- Subscribe. Pirates are dirty, stinky, foul mouthed and have poor physical hygeine. At this point you have subscribed and have formed into a complete being. As a complete being, you have an arse, which you have your head entirely up. We are proud of our dirty pirates here at Pirates Gone Wild, but you will still be beaten regularly and for no appearant reason, just in case you are wondering. We will focus on your training at this point. Get your skills up and work hard. It is from the dirty, stinky pirates that seasoned officers are made from.
- Officer- Officers will be made upon one of two instances. You have proven yourself to have your head at least three quarters of the way out of your arse. It is not a requirement for officers to have their own ships in this crew, but, it will greatly increase your chances at personal income and growth to do so as well as promotion. You will have to go through officer training and sail as the battle navver with a Fleet or Senior Officer monitoring on board to gage your ability and offer suggestions. Consider yourself in training at this point so that you may some day aspire to remove your head further from your arse. In no case is an Officer allowed to take out ships on their own without the recomendation of a Fleet Officer or Senior Officer, who have already proven to have their heads further out of their arses than normal. All promotions in this crew will be subjected to a rigorous test of skill assessment in battle and the ability to properly stand about looking important while not in battle. You can also fully expect a long and boring lecture from the Captain at this point. It should be noted that even if you were an officer in another crew, you will be expected to do this before advancing to Fleet Officer because the Captain is an anal retentive dork.
- Fleet Officer- For this rank you MUST own a ship of your own. Your head MUST be at least half way out of your arse. And you MUST sit through a sailing pillage with the Captain and listen to him drone on about tactics, responsibility and trust. He has the tendancy to be a bit wordy when he starts to lecture. Bear with him. It will be painful, but over sooner than you know. If you are lucky, a long conversation with the Captain will not scar you for life.
- Senior Officer- You must own at least two ships at this point. Further more, your head better darn well be fully outta your arse. Since the Captain's head is either completely in his own arse, and sometimes, someone elses, you need to be the one with the level head. One of your ships must remain unlocked for shipless mates to have the opertunity to pillage, or to be used in emergencies as needed. When pillaging, try and remember not to be a stingy peice of crap. Stingy peices of crap are beaten even more regularly than everyone else. You will have to endure another of those long, boring lectures from the Captain. Most likely, he will instruct you on how to properly strut up and down the deck looking important, the uglier points of politics and responsability, and when to thrash someone for no good reason. SO's will only be appointed from the recommendation of another Senior Officer and the issue will be voted on. At this point we are giving you a lot of trust. Do not betray our Pirates Gone Wild family. This is the single most important point that can be made to a prospective SO. The amount of trust we will be showing you is very strong. All jokes aside. Prospective SO's must gain the trust of the Captain and the other SO's as well. Owning the number of ships is a requirement for being considered, but this is not a guarentee.
11. The crew motto is "no worries." The Captain says it alot, mainly when he can't think of anything else to say. So if you are one of those whiny, petulant, worrying cry babies, please go speak to your momma, because we don't have time to babysit. =P
12. Morten is our first pig, like a first mate, but pig-form.. so if you didn't turn him into a BLT, that would be great.:D
13. For those who are in this crew, it is expected that you not be stingy arses. With that in mind, all those who own ships will be expected to make a donation of 1500 poe per week. The crew fund ship is the Lucky Puffer until further notice. The money will be used to donate to the flag, which runs off donations, and to increase the size of the crew's fleet. Some like to say, "its not the size, its how you use it." However, those are usually the one's that have to compensate for the size of their...fleet...or something.
