Art:Poetry Death Match/Archived Round 2

There once was a lad from Amity,
Who took waltz lessons from a skellie,
Two clumsy feet he found,
Stepping on bones abound,
No good at deathly dancing was he!

The late Skellie Kate hails from Lima,
She loves it when swordfighters team her.
First she lures them all in
With her skeletal grin,
Then she beats them to death with her femur!

A quick note to those with a tendency to say "Lie-ma":
If it isn't already obvious, the pronunciation is "Lee-ma"
in my part of the world.

Squibnocket spawned one greenie: Kayling
While bilging, she grabbed some ropes trailing
She gave them a yank
And pumped the bilge crank
Then poor bailing Kayling was sailing

From Tigerleaf there was a mate.
For pillages, 'twas always late.
But when he was on time,
He was simply Sublime,
Incredible, and Ultimate.

A loose pirate lass on the sands of Remora
would offer herself to each passing explorer.
Though lacking in wallop,
let's call her a "trollop" --
t'is far too obscene to use words more maturer!

Hook-hand Harry of Waterberry
Got bored with life and took the ferry.
A pirate's life he would find,
But merchants sent his behind
To Davy Jones' without a tarry

Upon Lima a lass of beauty
Full of energy and so clumsy,
Tried to bribe a hearty lad
In becoming her diad
Yet in process tripped on a pebble.

On Kings' shores strolled the swabbie Bad Kate,
Whose wiring gave her quite the odd trait.
When challenged to fights,
She'd put out yer lights -
But not without shoutin' "Check, mate!"

Greenwich once produced a man quite fair
Whom seemed to be in love with his hair,
Until the pillaging spree
When he had been lost at sea
And he came back looking like a bear.

Once a pirate sailed out from Lagniappe
Who had pillaged a very odd map
Let him chart to Squibnocket
Then was dust in his pocket
Where he realized at last 'twas a trap!

Alpha's Indeed - goodness sake!
She sure is a hot sugarcake.
If you trouble to ask
about riding her Bass
You'll hear "You can make your own mistake."

A captain who's from Mermaid's Purse
was struck by a sea witch's curse.
When he asked her out,
She called him a lout
and magicked him right where it hurts.

The laggardly merchant of Durian,
Was never much known for his hurryin'.
'Til men with large axes,
Showed up for his taxes --
Then all were amazed at his scurryin'!

There once was a maid from the island of Cook,
A charming young lady who called herself Brook,
But she makes us all jumpy,
When she acts a bit grumpy,
Cause she lost her left hand and installed there a hook!

There once was a mate from Endurance
Who tried selling 'Brigand Insurance'.
He said, "If ye're pillaged,
Just drop by me village,"
And we'll find ye a hefty procurance!"

Reason was born of our Last Stand Hill
Against Treason was her force and will
In her caring subtle voice
Doth she sing, love and rejoice
For our deepest thoughts her words fulfill

A pirate lass hailed from Squibnocket
Whose face made the strongest men vomit.
She'd giggle and flirt
But men always blurt,
"I swear, it's a foil in my pocket!"

There once was a party girl from lynx
She always fancied the stronger drinks
The stronger the drinks got
The more sailors she fought
till she she woke up with a pair of Shrinks

A drunken fighter from Dragon's Nest,
Always shouted about being the best.
Stumbled into a brawl
Sword stuck in the wall-
Upon his skull each strike came to rest.

There once was a man from Spring,
Pumping below was his thing.
With bilge in his hat,
He stunk like a rat,
The plank was dealt by his king.

There was a young pirate from Lynx,
Who was cursed with a terrible jinx.
When ordered to sail,
He'd stammer and wail -
'Every cutter I board, it just sinks!'

There's rumored an old man on Oyster,
and a shack where he's said to cloister.
Bold Jane in the inn
tells tale of his win,
but I think it's Cleaver who voiced her!

There was an old man from Eclipse
Who liked chasing girlies on trips.
Trav'ling Beta to Spring,
He'd find any young thing
And kiss her right square on the lips!

There once was a lass is labyrinth moors
who fell through a hole hid in its floors
A dark Oubliette!
Oh, she'll get out yet,
It's a good thing the dungeon had doors!

There once lived a pirate on Beta
To friends she was known as 'R' Peta
With swords in her hand
She looked mighty grand
You'd run just as soon as you'd meet her

A pirate who came from Diastrophe,
His pillage was such a catastrophe:
He found Kraken's Blood
Which seemed very good
But the Kraken was still attached, you see!

A note on the rhyming: where I come from (Northern Britain)
I say "blud" and "gud" for "blood" and "good"..mates tell me
that those two words are a strained rhyme in other parts of the
world.

From Beta the dread pirate sailed
In a ship that he constantly bailed
As he slowly went down
He said with a frown
"Who put this damn hole in my pail?"

There was this old salt from Squibnocket.
Who kept a dead gull in his pocket.
His crew cried, "That's foul!"
To them he did yowl,
"Why did you all have to squib knock it?"

She came from the isle of Mermaid's Purse.
Astute, she studied to be a nurse.
Had eyes as blue as the seas,
And found a husband with ease.
Who's able tounge could do her no worse.

An industrious young man from Flow
Liked to demonstrate what he could throw
He threw ships, trees, and docks
Also very small rocks
'Twas quite dangerous to watch his show

Once there was a man in Lima isle,
He was nice that was known many miles
But one day,the inn he went
Got insane like rats in tent
"yohoho and rum in the vial!"

A pirate who came from Squibnocket
A dagger he slipped in his pocket
Killed his mark with a slice
And the blood-shed felt nice
He crossed their name off of the docket

On the fair isle o' Alpha lived Llama
Who loved his bright purple pajama
He drank more than his share
And once woke up quite bare
With his nightdress then found on his Mama!

She hails from Xi, her name Misery.
She is evil as evil can be.
She loves portraits ye know,
Alas not so much so,
The stain on her shirt from her monkey.

There was an old Pirate from Prolix
Who frequently suffered from colics:
He decided to sell
All his rum, to get well --
Now Cleaver's he drinks when he frolics!

There once was a pirate from Kirin.
Day trading he'd made a career in.
He stocked up on wood,
And thought it was good,
When rumors of war he was hearin'.

From Beta he made his way
Handsome as always the day
All the girls sighed
At tales of his 'pride'
But secretly, he was gay!

Me new hearty, Joe, from Xi
Tries to Get all his Poe fer Free
He Shouts on the Docks
"SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME SOCKS!"
But Everyone Mutes the Greenie

A man of Hephaestus' Forge
Each morning ate three bowls of porridge
A healthy repast,
Not long could it last
Before his poor stomach disgorged

There was a pirate from Echo
He was friends with a Gecko
Insured his new boat
to keep it afloat
Saved ten percent of his poe

From Epsilon came Captain Raymes
He'd spend his time courting the dames.
So what did we do?
We all joined his crew,
Just so he'd remember our names.

There was a rich lass from the isle of Surtsey
While stuffing her face, to the young lads she'd curtsey
They'd all stop and stare
A messy affair
She'd eaten so much that she looked like a Guernsey!

From the Islay of Luthien he came;
A young man, set on fortune and fame,
He went down in history
A rich man of mystery
Alas, no one remembers his name.

There was a young lassie from Lincoln
Whose hobbies were flirtin' and drinkin'
She'd give each bloke a hug
And a chug from her mug
They'd all go home smilin' and stinkin'

There once was an Old Man from Oyster
Who claims he grew up in a cloister.
If he did, then the monk
In control was a drunk;
He tends not to pray but to roister.

She hails from isle of Ventress,
Always donning her lil red dress,
With hair all in curls,
And bright shiny pearls,
She's Sage's most famous temptress!

On Eta a mild-mannered strumpet
is trying to cheer up her glum pet
with strong dedication -
and frequent temptation
to take it a-sailing and dump it.

There once as a pirate from Park
Who was usually left in the dark
Drunken darts with a friend,
(your opponent holds the end),
His fat foot sadly suffered the mark.

I once met a young lass from Spring
Who loved nothing more than to sing
Her voice hit my ears
It brought me to tears
I wished I had something to fling!

There once was a dim man from Byrne
Who seemed always unable to learn
He went up 'gainst a skelly
And got sliced through his belly
He's dead now, but has yet to discern

On Jorvik's shores, sweet Madam is found,
Her fav'rite place to wander around.
Oh, she's a fair maiden,
But she'll put her blade in.
Don't turn your back, you'll be in the ground.

Out on Norse I once found old man Hom
Looking like he'd been hit by a bomb
"You look horrid!" I said
"Who did that to your head?"
But his only response was "ur m0m"

He hails from the island of Zeta
And says, "It's not so north as Eta.
But still, to be fair,
For pureness of air,
The one that beats Zeta is Beta."

The true lass of Prolix Purlieu,
A new captain in white and blue.
Sweetsnow hired some men,
Picked far less than ten.
Purlieu's new "True Blue" crew's too few.

There once was a pirate on Kirin
Who mastered the fine art o' drinkin'
He drank too much rum
And got really dumb
Which costed him all sense o' thinkin'

There was a woman from dragon's nest
Who wanted to own a fancy chest
She went to order it
Eventually, she quit
Everyone still thought she was the best

There is a young navver from Lynx
Whose pillaging skill, frankly, stinks.
But blockading, we've found,
Turns her luck right around;
Last weekend, she scored twenty sinks!

There's a pirate marooned on Typhoon
Left upon it without a doubloon
But he's built a small raft
(The fore's also the aft)
And he hopes to reach land by next June.

Blackbeard the great pirate from Basset
Saw Sue had a ring with great facets.
So, doing his duty,
He plundered her booty.
And made off with all of her assets.

There once was a chap from Monsoon,
Who at every girl, he would swoon.
The father of four,
Aged four minus score.
His hormones should level off soon.

There once was a man from O'Reilly
Who thought of himself rather highly.
When he had too much rum
He would wiggle his bum,
And wink at the wenches quite slyly.

I had once met a shipwright on Kirin
Who towards all the ladies was leerin'.
He called out "Hey miss!"
And gave one a kiss.
While his wife out the window was peerin'.

there was a small girl from jubilee
who just loved to be flighty and free
She dove from the crag
just so she could brag
and landed with a splash in the sea

Joe lived on Lima in his sweet hole,
He kept it up with a golden pole,
The robbers came one dark night,
With the pole of gold made flight,
The hole caved in,O poor little mole.

There once was a young lass from Fowler,
She was one all pirates were after.
She hired four able bots,
and set off on her sloop;
Rumor says some green alts got to her.

a captain from dragons nest she came,
smart and fast she won every game,
untill she once failed,
crap she then railed,
still she is proud of her name.

There was a pirate from xian rock
who had an enormous rooster clock
he walked with a swagger
and swung his skull dagger
and smashed it right into his cock.

There once was a young lass from Turtle
Whose waist was in need of a girdle
So incredibly round
Every tailor had found
Her girth far too much of a hurdle

One was moved into a different empty match so both advanced.

An extremely hip pirate from Guava
was enamored of Midnight's fine java.
He set out on a quest
to prove Beta's was best,
but he found only hot cups of lava.

One was moved into a different empty match so both advanced.

There was an old man from Viridis.
Everything he did would go amiss.
a girl said 'please
if you can say your ABC's,
Ill give you a big kiss!'

Bob called Midsummer his lovely home.
Known for his love to read and to roam,
His rep was badly maimed
As he loudly exclaimed,
"I can't read this, it's a giant tome!"

There once was a man from Squibnocket
Who had a large bulge in his pocket,
Now you might think it bold,
But he'd had it of old,
He said, "Til ye've tried it don't knock it!"

There once was a girl from Xi
No surprise it isn't me
She could win a tourney any time
But she'd never play for just a dime
This rich girl be Misery

o, there once was a pirate from flow
who had no friends because he was low
once forced to a drink
then he got hit by a sink
and sank to the crushing blak below

There once was an old man from Tinga.
He really was quite a good singer.
To the inn he would go,
And put on a great show.
He was banned by a tone deaf ringer.

A salt from the Isle of Kent
Lived twenty-six years in a tent
He said "It's not silly:
Although it gets chilly,
Just think what I've saved on the rent."

Two pirates met well at Kirin
Drank whiskey and bourbon and gin
Said one to the other,
"Are ye sure ye're my brother?"
"Aye, ye dumb lug, I'm yer twin."

A pirate arrived on Descartes.
A new player with a fresh start.
He joined with his mate,
but now he's irate.
They ended up oceans apart!