Art:Pirate Parodies
Pirate Parodies was a familiar contest run in the Mariner's Muse section of the YPP forums during November and December 2004. To enter players were required to parody a song while telling a story of the Midnight ocean. First prize, award to both Squid and Potato was an octopus familiar. Runners up received painted sloops.
In addition, a secondary contest was held for players to record themselves singing one of the entered parodies. Crystalclaws and Madam both took home the first prize of a custom named and painted sloop.
Contents
Potato's winning entry
99 Problems
If yer havin bilge problems I feel bad fer ye, son.
I've got 99 problems, but a ship ain't one.
(Verse One)
I've got lax control on this tax patrol,
foes who wanna make sure me stalls get closed.
Parley threads say "His allies, OH NOES!"
I'm a vagrant now, stupid, who cares where he goes?
If you started up low, right from the solo,
ye'd celebrate the minute ye had shores o'yer own.
He's like, "Scupper critics, at least I got a goal!"
"If you don't like my tactics then you can just fold."
They got beef with blockades if he starts t'show,
they don't play the game, they just get in a hole.
Nay-sayers try'n abuse his black hats,
but people should know it cost no cash for that ... scupperers.
I don't know when this hate will pass
or understand the intolerance that they has,
but I got the Beta Special, mateys, I ain't done.
I got 99 problems but a ship ain't one,
hit me.
(Chorus)
99 Problems but a ship ain't one.
If yer havin bilge problems I feel bad fer ye, son.
I got 99 problems but a ship ain't one,
hit me.
(Verse Two)
Me peers leave me bored while they tire their jaw.
They smile or they sneer, it just makes me guffaw.
I got two choices is all; fade out this star's lore,
denounce me kevels, walk me mettle out th'door.
O'maybe try and see the kinda things I could make,
kinda figure that I might as well change the place.
So I ... mull over and I work some new code.
My words, "Uhm, do ye know why yer never at war?"
Bite my tongue, causin flack, but I want t'know.
Why ain't ye flag leaders? So why don't you go?
Are ye under duress or would it cause'n uproar?
"Well maybe we can try t'strive to do somethin' more"
"Prudence and reservations won't always take ye too far."
"Are ye carryin a weapon on ye? I know a lot of ye are."
I ain't backin off'a this and me concern's legit.
"Would ye mind if they took down the bar a little bit?"
Get past disarmament'n get stocked, act a bit punk'n cut the slack,
and jest pick yer fights so you won' be abhorrent fer that.
"As a lark or a laugh, why don't ye play a warrior King?"
"The ocean from the port is yer plaything."
But they stick in bazaars and they don't care a wit,
Still get mad when a beleaguer gives them hits.
We'll see how smart we are if a change e'er comes.
I got 99 problems but a ship ain't one,
hit me.
(Chorus x2)
(Verse Three)
I came upon this mate not too long ago,
how noobs like himself survive, I don't know.
This ain't a noob in the sense of bein a greenie,
but a greenie with the awful sense t'try'n push me.
I tried to jest warn him without drawin me sword.
He starts again, he's the kind that just won't reform.
He starts to type and then get all warlike.
I say something that he'd probably dislike,
"Yer gonna hang from me sailor's knot or I'll type /blackspot."
He makes some noise'n threats happen the Cap'n,
so there I go let out the snicker-snack again.
Vorpal through the victim and he spits back again.
So fiends on the floor twitchin again.
Pollywog lets'em out onto the docks again.
They all beg fer me t'give'em cash again.
Have a l'il wail 'cause I'm ignorin'em.
Hearties from l'il fools who jest want a friend.
Ne'er try'n play me like I'm the assassin,
'cause ye'll feel somethin sharp if yer stoppin me fun.
I got 99 problems but a ship ain't one,
hit me.
(Chorus x3)
Squid's winning entry
One Night on Jorvik
Jorvik, Looterati setting,
And the island don't know what the island is getting.
The cr?me de la cr?me of the Midnight drunks,
In a show with everything but that BobDon punk!
Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute
Since Ye Imperial Pint had the rum boys in it.
Things change -- don't you know that when you
Drink at this level there's no ordinary venue.
It's Guava . . . or Winter Solstice . . . or Nuptial . . . or . . .
or this place!
One night in Jorvik and the world's your oyster,
The Nelson's dingy but the rum ain't free.
You'll find the BSP in rowdy roister,
And if they like you then they'll share some "tea."
(And if you're smart, you'll drink no more than three.)
One pub's very like another
When your head's down over your tankards, brother.
It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a bother,
To be sitting in the pub, not chatting at the harbor.
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking port . . .
Dock tarts, in their rags,
The one in the gown is the Governor in drag.
Get Scupper'd! You're talking to a boozer
Who knows his rum, not some Jet Arch loser.
I take my shots above the waterline, sunshine.
One night in Jorvik makes an Old Salt grumble,
Just stains between defeat and victory.
One night in Jorvik and the drunkards stumble,
Can?t laugh too loud when the chips come to me.
I can feel the Ringers smiling down on me.
Midnight's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of inebriate fitness.
This grips me more than limericks,
A fashion show or a tourney with sticks.
And thank Mantis I'm not making the rum, distilling it . . .
I don't see my ships sinking,
Unlike the mates with whom I'm drinking.
I'd let you join, I'd start a new board,
But the booze we use would leave you floored.
So you better go back to your brigs, your forage,
Your bazaar stalls . . .
One night in Jorvik and the world's your oyster,
The Nelson's grubby but the drinks ain't free.
You'll find the BSP in rowdy roister,
A lot of booze, a lot of poetry.
I can feel a drinking song rising in me.
One night in Jorvik and the greenies tumble,
The tourney's losers lying in a heap.
One night in Jorvik makes the Old Salt grumble,
Can't be too careful with the crew you keep,
Don't let the crowd in here catch you asleep.
Runners-up
Parody Serenades Winners
- Madam - Flowry Bream
- Crystalclaws - Memory
