Art:AADM/Second round/Bait And Switch

The Short
= The Entry = Jack sighed, slowly and somewhat carefully lifting the black captain's hat off his head so the noose could be slipped on more easily. "Any last words, Jack? Requests, perhaps?" The executioner chuckled. Jack closed his eyes briefly, thinking about what had brought him here. "Aye, I do. I want to tell you all a tale...a whale of a tale, some may call it..."

Eyes burning, I launched myself at the giant of a man directing my foes. He, a lumbering bear, and I, as lithe and quick as a cat, soon moved like dancers through the melee, our blades flashing and clanging in an intricate choreography. Neither of us had the advantage, since every powerful blow of the bear was dodged or deflected by my great finesse and skill, but my footwork soon faltered, and I found myself looking death in the face. I began saying my last prayers to the pirate gods, thanking Apollo especially for resolving that whole boat debacle. I had barely remembered to thank Glaucus for my new and fantastic sword when a knife materialized in my adversary's stomach, leaving little time for me to process what had happened before being joined by one in the heart and another in the neck. I leapt to my feet, raising my sword in a silent salute to where my captain stood, his belt of knives three short. Captain Twohook grinned and nodded in return, quickly waving with one of his hookless hands (his name was a bit of an irony since good ol' Twohook hadn't been sunk once in his career).

My men and I wearily made our way back to our ship, some of the greenies swinging by ropes because they were still thrilled by the Tarzan like antics, but most just shuffling along the boards forming a bridge in between. Captain Twohook stayed behind to guide the newly acquired ship back home, taking care not to trip on any of the bodies strewn about the deck. I muttered that throwing sand in your opponents eyes is a dirty trick as I flushed mine out with water, and as I again waved at my illustrious captain, I groaned internally. “Another booch, Jack...things keep going like this, and the cap will demote you to cabin person." I had been having a troubling week, including 3 brushes with death and two instances of flatulation in battle. Though the latter doesn't sound too bad, it sure as Poseidon doesn't intimidate a foe.

As much as I hated to admit it, because, yes, I was reputed to have the biggest ego on the high seas, I was incredibly jealous of the effortless ease with which Twohook did...well, just about everything. Twohook had all ultimates, and didn’t shy from a battle. He was an all around great person, going so far as to organize a greenie school on Sundays where he and other puzzlers taught 30 minute courses. Twohook also inevitably seemed to be the one to save my booty, in both senses of the word, which didn’t help my somewhat negative feelings towards the man.

Jack cleared his throat and reached up to loosen his noose, receiving boos from the crowd.

“Finish the story, traitor!” hollered Fine Bill. “Patience, mate, I just need to explain something. I need to make sure everyone understands I was never a bad pirate. I got all A’s and B’s as a lad, I helped old ladies cross the ocean. It was just...well, that kind of gold would get to any man.” “Gold!” cheered the spectators.

“Yes, gold,” Twohook said, “More gold than most of you have ever seen, except maybe at the poker tables.” Everyone laughed heartily. “I just received this map...no, my sources can not be named, but let’s just say she’s quite a fine lass,” Twohook winked. The group laughed again, and a few raised eyebrows went up among the women. “I have called all of my senior officer’s here to ask, will you sail with me?” A chorus of aye’s went up in the crowd. “You must understand the dangers,” Twohook warned, “This isn’t a few easy battles, we’ll be sailing 5 days and nights to reach Kraken Island, and along the way there’s no telling what we may face.”

Sylvia stepped forward. She was a semi-new pirate, transferred from an ally crew. She didn’t speak much, because she had a stutter she was rather embarrassed of, but this occasion merited her ideas. “I-i-f I may, cap, let me make a sug-g-gestion. How about we just r-r-un another 2 day pilly? We’ll make gold that way, to-o-o. This sounds too da-a-angerous.” Twohook clapped her on the shoulder, “Sylvia, my lass, as a wise pirate once said, “No duty, no booty”. To get a big haul, we’ve got to accomplish something great!” Sylvia lowered her eyes and nodded. Twohook noticed, and leaned over to whisper something, and Sylvia’s eyes lit up. “Excellent! Sylvia will be in charge of painting and charting the island when we reach it. It is, as of yet, uninhabited, and should our voyage be successful, we’ll be the first ones to see it.” Jksprrrow, the resident smart-aleck, piped up, “Well, Hook, if we’ll be the first ones to the island, how did gold get there?” Twohook had a reply ready, “Another crew, quite like ours, tried the trip once and crashed just before reaching the island. As the legend goes, all their gold and items washed ashore and our scattered about the beach.”

This is when I spoke up. I had been mulling over the plan while everyone else had whispered and argued among themselves. That much gold could keep a pirate in fineries, rum, and poker games for quite a long time. By the time I started thinking about what to name the red monkey I’d get as a companion, the idea of taking over and betraying Twohook was already cemented in my mind as fact, not mere speculation. “I’ll help, Hook.” I grinned sincerely, and saluted him. “It’s settled then! Pack your gear and kiss your women, we sail at dawn!”

“Ahem...executioner, I’m sure I could tell my story better with a mug of rum.” Jack was about 5 seconds away from batting his eyelashes when the executioner grumbled and called to a guard for rum. The crowd was ripe with whispers of “Kracken Island!” and “I wish I had some rum...” Jack took a sip of the offered mug, and went back to his tale.

I was nailing boards like a fiend, and the cool sea air against my neck helped alleviate some of the soreness from being bent over the side of the ship for so long. Sure, I may have been an all around fantastic puzzler, but carp was my thing. I could patch up a hole before 10 seconds had passed since the creation of it, and this allowed a few of the other carpers to take a break. At that particular moment, they were crowded around Jcksprrrow’s dog, Jcksprrrow2. His dog had managed to knock over and destroy two kegs of rum in his quest to capture someone’s poor cat. Jcksprrrow stumbled down from the crow’s nest, blissfully unaware of impending doom. His pup ran between the crowds legs and cowered behind Jck, his tail between his legs. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Jck questioned. “That DOG ruined a day’s worth of good rum!” shouted someone. “Uh oh, I’m being ordered to bilge, sorry mates!” Jck ran below deck.

“Grimy Linda, think you could take my station for a bit? I’m getting a little sore.” She agreed, and I trotted off to find Twohook. After a breif conversation about the weather and the likelihood of battle in the next few moments, I commented on the pain I was feeling. “Oh, you can use my room for a bit Jack, just don’t let the others know.” He winked, and I smiled and went to his quarters. Once inside with the door safely locked, I began to investigate his papers. As soon as I realized the map was probably on his person at all times, I stamped my foot. Then I had a plan...a rather devious one at that.

I went below deck and found Sylvia sitting on the stairs, sketching pictures of Jcksprrrow2, though he had long ago chased a cat upstairs. “Sylvia?” She jumped. “You have a good memory, right?” “S-s-ure.” Sylvia stammered. “Well, I’ve always loved maps. The layout, the intricacies, everything about them. Is there any chance you could make me a quick sketch of the map to Kraken Island? It’s the only one I’ve never studied carefully.” I gave her what I hoped was a charming smile.

Jack paused, and poured some of his rum into his hat before continuing. The crowd began whispering and looking at each other, but again became entangled in the story.

The next few days went normally, with the battles far and few between as we got closer to our destination. I spent my days holed up in the captain’s quarters, plotting my one man mutiny. Once we spotted land on the 5th night, it wasn’t long before we were attacked by the Black Ship. Cries went up among the crew, as we hadn’t attacked anyone, especially no boat smaller than us. That’s when we realized something. The ship wasn’t black so much as it was dark red..Very dark red. The red of long dried blood. Everyone swallowed their fear as Twohook began shouting orders. It was max-max when we finally grappled, and I was holding my breath. The skeletons boarded our brig in swarms, pouring over the sides in the hurried, one minded way that ants pour out of their homes when stomped upon. We fought tooth and nail, Hook and I each killing at least 25 skellies. As the last skeleton fell overboard, we surveyed the damage. Many of the most loyal officer’s had been dragged into the sea by our foes, and many more were lying wounded on the ship.

Hook turned to me, sword drawn and flashing in the moonlight. “Good fight, mate.” he grinned, but there was something lurking behind his smile that unnerved me. I drew my sword again, pretending to clean it though skellies leave no blood. “Don’t pretend, Jack. I know you want the riches to yourself. Were you going to stab me in the back, or do you want to fight like a true pirate?” I gulped, since Hook knowing my treachery had definitely not been part of my plan. “You don’t want to do this, do you Hook?” I questioned, almost pleading. My sword fighting skills would be no match for his, and I knew it. We both knew it. “Oh, I want to as much as you wanted to betray your oldest friend. Good luck mate, I’m sorry to do this.” He came at me, and despite my shock I managed to deflect his blow. Our fight spanned the ship, and as he jumped onto the rails to get a height advantage I did the same. Both of us were trying to balance and fight for our lives at the same time, and were dangerously close to falling into the choppy black waters below. As he lunged for me again, I had an idea. Instead of deflecting his blow I moved to the right slightly, allowing his sword to hit my shoulder where both the map and my canteen of rum were strapped. In the dark, I could tell he thought the amber fluid pouring across my chest was blood, and he looked victorious as he hopped onto the deck below. I played the part of dead man well, and fell back into the sea.

What Twohook had not realized was that most of his men were wounded, and unable to sail the ship. It would take him a good day to get to land, and I grinned at the thought as I paddled to shore. The one thing I had been ultimate at since being an egotistical greenie was swimming. As I reached shore, I flopped onto the sand, too tired to do much else. When I woke up several hours later, I stood and stretched. As I began to survey the beach, my heart leapt. Pieces of eight, doubloons, swords, and every imaginable pirate treasure littered the sands. The rock that had been digging into my side during my impromptu nap was really a chalice of kraken’s blood, and though the blood had long ago soaked into the sand, remnants could still be seen. As I began collecting items off the sand, I remembered the problem of getting home. Thankfully, I spotted a repairable sloop that had washed ashore sideways. I began loading poe and a few choice items into the ship, as they were easier to take then doubloons, and weighed quite a bit less. My excellent carpentry skills came in handy as I used nails and boards off of other ships to craft my makeshift getaway vehicle. I sailed home, careful to avoid my former captain and his wrath.

“And they caught you?” Fine Bill inquired. “I’d buy that monkey off you for quite a fair price if you happened to get one.” Jack smiled and gingerly lifted his hat off his head again. A red, furry face peeked over the brim and then went back to hiding. “Not for sale, mate. I don’t plan on dying today. And I have never been caught.” Snorts went up among the crowd as a few pointed at the noose. “Oh, this? I may have forgotten to pay a few taxes. If I do say so myself, this punishment is rather harsh.” Someone emerged from the crowd, clad all in black and gold. “Harsh? Not at all, mate. I believe the governor would know best, wouldn’t you say?” Twohook laughed. “Aye Hook, you always did think you knew best. Gotten that octopus you wanted yet?” Twohooks smile turned into a glare as he drew his blade. “I suppose,” said Jack “that it’s a good thing I took all those greenie classes on knot tying. I learned so much from you.” With a flourish, Jack removed the rope from his neck. “What in the seven seas?!” Twohook screamed, charging at Jack. Jack sidestepped as Hook bounded off the platform, and then bowed. “Thank you, mates, for listening to my tale. I believe my island of residence will need to change, but feel free to drop me a tell. And remember, Captain Jack is the finest teller of tales on all seven of the seas, because a tale can’t get you thrown in the stocks!” Jack winked, and sauntered off, hat in hand and his cute companion on his shoulder.